This week I’m talking about imposter syndrome.

Do you have moments when you feel out of place, don’t feel good enough, and expect to fail? It can be absolutely crippling, and stop you taking the next step to grow your business or career.

We work with this a lot as communication coaches, because at the heart of this mindset is a simple truth: your most important audience is you. If you cannot or do not communicate well with yourself, you will always be in your own way.

So we have some tips to share to help you start to overcome imposter syndrome.

WAITING TO BE FOUND OUT

But first, let me just say I have so much sympathy for anyone struggling with imposter syndrome. It took me nearly thirty years to figure out why I had this low-grade fear all the time.

The fear that today might be the day I got found out.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew I could do my job. I just felt that I was punching above my weight at any given time. I realise now that it was because I was always so much younger than my professional peers, sometimes younger than the people working for me.

You see, I first worked on a news desk at the age of 15. I had my first editorship at 19, I was a middle manager in a FTSE Top 10 by the age of 25, and consulting global companies by the time I was 30. Everyone around me was older, and they seemed sassier, more confident, so sure of themselves.

It’s hard to describe – but I felt as if I were dressing up and playing a part. And deep down I worried that a real grown-up would return and demand their clothes back.

Even writing about it now makes me feel the same anxiety – even though I’m now older than I want to admit!

There are a number of ways to address imposter syndrome, including professional therapy (which this is not). Here are a few things I recommend, partly as a communication coach and also from my own experience.

FOCUS ON FACTS NOT FEARS

Remember I said I knew I could do my job? I knew this because my work was published and well-received, or I got promoted, or my clients asked me to do more with them. The evidence for what I could do was right there. Look for your evidence, and shine a light on that instead of your self-doubts.

It might help to build a tangible body of evidence. Keep those emails from people thanking you for a great job. Make a note when someone tells you that you’re a star. Ask customers and clients for feedback. Frame your qualifications and put them on the wall. Keep all these totems and look at them as often as you need to.

Pause and look at your wins. Don’t shrug them off like a compliment you don’t quite know how to accept, or rush to the next thing. Take some time to recognise what you are achieving.

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

Choosing the words you use is a huge subject on its own, but when it comes to mindset there is little in your toolkit quite so powerful. Try to step back and listen to how you talk to yourself, and how you frame your message to others. Do you encourage yourself or talk yourself down? Do you implicitly apologise or do you explicitly serve?

DON’T FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT

I know this advice is meant positively, and to a degree we all put on our game face even when we’re not truly feeling it.

The issue I have with the old maxim ‘fake it til you make it’ is that it takes you away from your authenticity. It suggests that you are pretending – and what is an imposter but someone who pretends to be something they are not? The language of fakery simply reinforces the self-doubt, on a subconscious level at least.

ALLOW YOURSELF ROOM TO GROW

Whichever side of the desk I’ve been sitting in a recruitment interview, I’ve actively sought people or roles with room to grow. I’ve followed the 80-20 rule – enough skill and experience to deliver, but enough of a development gap to make this job interesting and satisfying.

Having room to grow doesn’t make you an imposter.

COMPARE YOURSELF TO NO ONE

We live in a very shiny world now, thanks to social media, and our desire for perfection can be all-consuming. How easy is it to feel like an imposter when all you see online is shinier, glossier, more successful? Even though we know lots of the online promises we see are unrealistic, part of our brain processes another reason to believe we can’t be successful.

Remember, the only story you need to tell is your own.

---

We’d love to hear your tips for dealing with imposter syndrome – drop us a comment below, or come and see us on Facebook – our virtual kettle is always on, and the welcome is warm.

And why not sign up to receive our blog delivered straight to your inbox each week – then you can be sure you’ll never miss a thing.

Until next time – have a great week!

Lucy

(AND MY INTERVIEW WITH TONY VISCONTI)

Very often in business, you’ll find yourself reaching for one of the most important items in your communication toolkit – the interview. Recruitment aside (we’ll look at that kind of interview in a separate blog), you might use interviews to gather information, to learn from experts, and perhaps to create content for your business or marketing.

I want to share some quick and simple interviewing tips, because it’s a subject close to my heart this week. In fact, it’s safe to say there has been quite a flurry of excitement behind the scenes here at Lucy & Emma HQ. This week, I was offered the opportunity to interview a lifelong hero of mine – and I’ve never been one to turn away from an opportunity.

The legendary musician and producer Tony Visconti was doing a tiny handful of interviews in the UK this week, promoting a band tour. Visconti was David Bowie’s friend and producer for 50 years – and I’m a massive (yes, ok, that’s a new way of spelling ‘obsessive’) Bowie fan. I’m also a former journalist, and I was asked to put those two attributes together to produce a 3,000-word feature for a digital music magazine.

They say you should never meet your heroes, as they’ll only disappoint. I’ve never bought into that – but I will admit to being nervous about this one. OK, I was terrified. I’ve been interviewing and writing for 30 years, but I really felt there was every chance of turning into a blithering fangirl on this one.

I knew I needed to get on top of my game, so I rummaged through my mental archive of great interviews, and pulled out the following practical tips:

BE REALLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

You’re going to need more than small talk for your interview, but you can only guide the conversation into what you need if you know what that is. What do you want to learn from this person? What specific information do you want them to talk about?

For example, I knew I wanted Tony Visconti to talk about the global outpouring of grief when David Bowie died, as that suited feature outline I had prepared better than, say, his experience of working with Paul McCartney.

It might mean wanting a business guru to talk about business investment specifically, rather than their expertise in marketing.

In both cases, being clear about what you want to get from the interview means being clear about what you’re not going to talk about too. Your interview time will be limited to some degree.

On that note, it’s really worth getting agreement up front about how long the interview will last. Then you can prepare an appropriate plan for the conversation.

PREPARE YOUR QUESTIONS ACCORDINGLY

Armed with your clear objectives, you can think about what questions will elicit the information you need.

You’ll very likely need a few ‘question funnels’ – a mini-series of questions, if you like, to introduce and then explore a particular theme.

Using my Visconti interview as an example once more, I prepared a key question to get us talking about Bowie’s final album, then a funnel question to ask how it felt to work on this production knowing how ill Bowie was, and a further funnel question to explore the possibility of any new material. Then I turned to a new key question, this time about Visconti’s upcoming tour, with some funnel questions to find out more about the musicians involved, and so on.

Make sure your interviewee has a clear view of what you’re trying to achieve, too. It’s more comfortable for them if they understand what you are asking them about, and much easier for them to give you what you need. Good manners, and good results!

This is the time to think about the kinds of questions you use, too. Open questions will invite a detailed response, clarifying questions will allow you to check your understanding, and closed questions will help you agree a statement – as just a few examples. And a quick word of warning – lots of closed questions not only make it hard to get plentiful or unexpected information, it also makes your interview feel more like an interrogation. And who wants one of those?

BUT DON’T ASK MULTIPLE QUESTIONS

This is so important, it gets a section on its own. You might ask multiple questions because you were nervous, and crammed two or three things into one. Or you might not have been very clear in your first attempt and tried again with a slightly different angle. I’ve known people do this because they see no other way of fitting all their questions in to the allotted interview time (another reason for doing that planning up front!).

Whatever the reason, asking multiple questions is pretty well guaranteed to get you two results, neither of which you want – an overwhelmed interviewee, and a less-than-clear response. It takes a very polished (and patient) interviewee to process all the questions you’ve asked in one go.

If you’ve planned out your questions in advance, you can double-check you haven’t inadvertently slipped in any multiple questions. More importantly, you can check each question is clear, so you won’t have to try to ask the same thing in different ways in the moment.

GET THE MOST IMPORTANT STUFF IN EARLY

How many times have you been in conversation with someone, and run out of time before you even got to the good part? Perhaps you’ve even had someone excuse themself early for some reason.

It happens. But you can at least make sure you get the information or content you need most, by asking the most important questions up front. It’s tempting to engage in lots of small-talk, or start with minor questions to get warmed up, but it’s much more effective to make sure you get what you need. This also gives you more flexibility to explore the major topics, as the conversation provokes new questions.

LEARN TO LOVE THE SILENCE

Well, at least learn to get comfortable with pauses. Give people a moment to collect their thoughts. I know many people are really uncomfortable with silences, but I actually like it when someone takes a moment to give my question real consideration rather than jumping to the first or easy answer.

Bear in mind that jumping in to fill the gap is a common cause of the ‘multiple question’ danger we described above.

Our coaching programme on body language goes into detail about how you can visibly show you are listening. It’s harder to demonstrate active listening if you are interviewing by phone (which is often the case), but respecting the ‘thinking pause’ is one of the best ways to show your interviewee you are really listening to them.

I hope this helps you prepare for interviews, as well as conduct them; I think that at least half a good interview is determined before either party has even said hello.

Meanwhile, if you fancy reading what Tony Visconti had to say about working with David Bowie, click here to take a look at the feature I wrote for Music Republic Magazine.

Tony Visconti: Will I Get Out Alive?

And remember that we share hints and tips like this every week, to help you get better business results through great communication. Why not sign up to have this delivered each week to your inbox, so you never miss a thing?

I’m off for a bit of a lie-down; it’s been a very exciting week! See you soon.

Lucy

Whether you’re speaking on a conference stage, presenting to a team or an interview panel, or just doing a Facebook Live – public speaking is a core part of your business communication.

Over the years, I’ve coached thousands of people for presenting and public speaking. And I believe there are two kinds of people in the world – those who get nervous about speaking in public, and those who are completely terrified about it.

In fact, global opinion polling often names public speaking as people’s biggest fear – even ahead of death and flying.

Really?

People would rather fall from the sky in a fireball than stand up to speak to an audience?

I’m sure that’s not quite what they mean – but still, ask people what scares them most and their first, instinctive answer is “speaking in public”.

If it is one of your greatest fears then worry no more, I have lots of strategies and skills, tools and techniques to help you.

GREAT SPEAKERS HAVE MASTERED THEIR SKILLS

In my coaching experience, even the speakers who look completely comfortable are still nervous. They don’t have some special gene that takes away any anxiety and makes them great speakers. But they do have a set of skills they’ve mastered and practised – from how they breathe to how they stand, from where to focus their eyes to how to use their arms. They’ve worked hard on what they look like, and on what they sound like.

Presenting, public speaking, even interviewing – these are learned skills like any other. You can improve these skills, and there are ways to calm your mental and physical state.

Here are just five simple steps to get you started:

DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE NOTES

I am always taken aback when clients tell me they hate public speaking because they struggle to memorise their speech or presentation. They tell me how much they admire speakers who stroll around the stage, speaking eloquently from the cuff.

OK. Let’s look at a couple of trade secrets here.

Yes, there are a very small number of people who genuinely speak, at length, with no notes. You and I could probably name them and come up with the same list – they are that elite. They’ve been doing this for years, doing it fulltime, working constantly with coaches, and honing their craft daily like a world-class athlete trains. And they’re probably delivering the same keynote (or two) so often that they have become word perfect.

You cannot compare yourself with them. You don’t have to be Usain Bolt to be a really good runner.

Outside of that tiny elite, many speakers who are not using visible notes are actually using some kind of event technology to help them look great on stage. Transparent autocue screens, feedback monitors on the front of the stage or suspended from the lighting rig, sometimes even earpieces with someone giving prompts. Some speakers use complete scripts. Some use bullet points. Most have something in front of them – whether you can see it or not.

But what if you don’t have access to that sort of kit, I hear you ask. Not a problem. Just use some old-fashioned paper or small post cards! (Make sure you number the pages – trust me on this, I’ve learned the hard way what happens when you drop them and struggle to put them back in order, in front of a few hundred people…) Stand at the lectern if you prefer. There is absolutely no shame in using notes. Your audience is there to listen to what you have to say, to learn from you, to be inspired by you. They are not there to see how good your memory is.

(By the way, I’ve known several speakers – and in many cases I’ve written their speeches for them – who have delivered a barnstorming presentation and afterwards admitted to me that they forgot a chunk of their content. Don’t set yourself impossible standards.)

FIND A FRIENDLY FACE

Old-school presentation training used to say you should find a spot on the wall at the back, and hold your gaze there.

Please don’t. You will seem aloof and distant, and you will miss the amazing things that happen when you tap into the energy in the room.

My first formal public speaking was at a speech and drama festival when I was 13 years old and the youngest entrant by far. I was the only one in school uniform, as the other entrants were sixth-formers who, aged 17 or 18, were allowed to wear their own clothes. They seemed so sassy to me. I was on last, by which time mentally I’d gone home in dejection.

I walked up the steps to the stage, in front of around 200 people, and took my place at the lectern. (Yes, I had notes!) I introduced myself, and tried to hold my knees steady. Then something amazing happened. I looked up, and I caught the eye of a woman about 10 rows back. She smiled at me. My heart soared, and my confidence walked back into the room to rejoin me.

I won the competition and took home the trophy.

The wall at the back of the room is not going to help you. Find someone who looks friendly and engaged (and most people are rooting for you at the start of your presentation). Use that eye contact for support and energy, and maintain eye contact in different places as you go.

REMEMBER YOUR WORDS ARE ONLY PART OF YOUR STORY

Did you know that your audience will process your message using your words, your body language, and your voice? What you say, what you look like, and what you sound like.

According to the widely-accepted Mehrabian model, your words account for only seven per cent of what your audience gets from your presentation. Body language accounts for 55 per cent and voice provides 38 per cent of your overall message.

Body language (technically called kinesics) and voice (technically called paralanguage) is a huge area to cover but, for the purposes of this blog, just remember this: all three components need to be aligned if your message is to be credible. If you’re telling someone that something is great news, but your voice sounds sad and your shoulders are hunched, don’t expect them to feel as pleased or excited as they should.

By the way – you could be forgiven for thinking that if words are only seven per cent of your message, you don’t need to sweat them too much, right? Oh no. Quite the opposite. Your words might be the smallest component, but they are the bullseye, and they need even greater attention. Watch out for our future blogs for lots of help with getting your words just right.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A POINT

It doesn’t matter what your purpose is. You might want your audience to take action. You might want them to think differently about your topic. You might just want to entertain them. But make sure you know why you are there, and speak accordingly. That way your audience will know why they are there too.

Never underestimate the power of a really explicit ‘call to action’, which you should point to throughout your presentation and then clarify at the end.

PRACTISE LOTS. AND THEN PRACTISE SOME MORE

Some of my coaching clients have resisted this. They say they want to sound fresh. They fear sounding over-rehearsed and wooden. Some feel over-confident.

I will beg you to do this, if I need to.

I can spot an un-practised speech a mile off. The rhythm isn’t quite right, pauses for impact are lost, certain words seem to come as a surprise. I’ve seen people crack slightly with emotion at certain phrases. I’ve even heard people inadvertently read out the autocue instruction in the middle of their speech.

The more you practise, the more your voice inflexions will suit your words. Nothing will come as a surprise. Your pauses, your hand gestures, your timing will all be smoother. And – back to the first point – the more you have practised, the less glued to your notes you will need to be.

Remember, public speaking and presenting is a learned skill. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, work at it, keep getting better. We can help you, if you want us to. (Then we’ll work out a plan to deal with that next top fear – flying!)

Later this month we will be sharing five simple tips to get you started on improving your body language (including how best to use the lectern if that’s what you prefer to do). This is a big part of mastering the art of public speaking.

Why not sign up to get our blog directly to your inbox, so you never miss a thing?

See you next week.

Lucy